n Child actor Haley Joe Osment was nominated for an Oscar for “The Sixth Sense.” He plays a six-year-old who can see the dead. When the kid woke up last Wednesday, George W. Bush was asking for his vote in California.
n “Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire” groom Rick Rockwell returned from his honeymoon. While he was away, he was accused of lying about his wealth and groping women. If true he could get 4 to 8 years in the White House.
n Spike Lee says he’s concerned black voters follow Al Gore because they think Bill Clinton will continue on through him. Comedians believe the same fairy tale. We refuse to accept that all easy jokes must come to an end.
n Jerry Lewis told the Aspen Comedy Festival that he doesn’t like seeing women in comedy because he thinks of women as baby-producing machines. It was awful. On the bright side, John Rocker may have found himself a catcher.
n The Reform Party has been abandoned by a professional wrestler and an egomaniac casino owner. There goes the party’s credibility.
n John McCain said he’s a loyal Republican and he’s in favor of campaign finance reform. He needs to make up his mind.
n Bill Bradley told the voters in New York that Al Gore is a political chameleon who simply cannot be trusted. That’s a very unfair attack. Al Gore changes colors, but only in October when he’s about to lose his leaves.
n Austria’s new government includes a right-wing party whose leader praised Adolf Hitler. International reaction was swift. Israel broke relations, the U.S. and Britain called home their ambassadors, and France surrendered to the Austrian bicycle team.
n Boston Bruin Marty McSorley was suspended for whacking his opponent in the head with his hockey stick. That was just the start of the bloodshed. In the melee that followed, a presidential primary broke out.
n John McCain is in trouble for referring to his North Vietnam captors as “gooks.” It’s an old nickname for Red Chinese, North Vietnamese, Japanese and the North Koreans. Today, they prefer to be called simply “Californians.”
n John McCain was accused in Michigan of being an anti-Protestant bigot. George W. Bush was accused of being an anti-Catholic bigot. The book about this GOP campaign will have to be called “The Making of the President, 1688.”
n Nancy Reagan refused to endorse a GOP candidate during the primaries. She said it would violate her husband’s Eleventh Commandment, “Never speak ill of a fellow Republican.” In Reagan’s honor, McCain and Bush have forgotten it.
Hamilton is the host comedian of the Comedy Store in Hollywood and writes a daily syndicated humor column. He can be reached for corporate performances at his web site, www.ArgusHamilton.com.
