ARGUS
Humor by Argus Hamilton
& #149; The U.S. Senate unanimously passed a bill to crack down on Wall Street fraud. No one can believe the bill passed unanimously. For years it’s been said that Republicans will support Wall Street regulation when Ted Williams freezes over.
& #149; John McEnroe was accused by his former wife Tatum O’Neal of taking steroids while he starred on the professional tennis circuit. It came as no great shock. People have wondered for years how he managed to hit 70 home runs at Wimbledon.
& #149; Allen Iverson threw a house party that lasted until six in the morning prior to his agreed surrender last week. He got a special arrangement. Until his lawyer returned from vacation he was allowed to be legally advised by Dennis Rodman.
& #149; Supreme Court Chief Justice William Rehnquist told a public affairs commission Monday that federal judges must get a raise. He said the private sector pays so much more. Ken Griffey Jr. gets $15 million a year to sit on the bench in Cincinnati.
& #149; U.S. Rep. James Trafficant was hauled before the House Ethics Committee Monday. He was just convicted of bribery, fraud, tax evasion and racketeering. He faces expulsion from the House for using the Speaker’s parking space without permission.
& #149; The Gallup Poll says 20% of Democrats favor Hillary Clinton for president in 2004. There’s a good reason. Lately, more and more Americans are staring at their 401(k)s and coming to the conclusion that a sex scandal a day is a small price to pay for a 12,000 Dow.
& #149; Dick Cheney addressed a Republican Party dinner for donors who gave at least $100,000. Morale was low among the business executives there. Before dinner, they bowed their heads, closed their eyes, and recited their Miranda Rights.
Hamilton is the host comedian of the Comedy Store in Hollywood and writes a daily syndicated humor column. He can be reached for corporate performances at his Web site, www.ArgusHamilton.com.
