++Secretary of State Colin Powell said he sees a postwar U.N. role in Afghanistan. However, U.N. officials said they don’t want to be responsible for running a country that’s proven to be impossible to govern. This is a job for Rudy Giuliani.
++House Speaker Denny Hastert adjourned Congress for a week. That wasn’t enough for the baby boomers in Congress. Rather than sit still and wait for another attack, they spent the afternoon trying to get a college deferment.
++New Yorkers are angry over the Democratic primary for mayor. The vote was 51-49, the loser refuses to concede, and Al Sharpton claims that the black vote was suppressed. Well, the president did ask for everything to return to normal.
++Defense Secretary Don Rumsfeld appeared on al Jazeera TV network in the state of Qatar. The show was broadcast to the entire Arab world. He was the special guest on the celebrity edition of “Who Wants to Be Blown to a Million Pieces?”
++Film director Robert Altman blamed Hollywood for the World Trade Center attacks. He said terrorists wouldn’t have thought of something like that unless they had watched it in a movie. Thank goodness “Dr. Strangelove” was over their heads.
++Osama bin Laden reportedly financed his terror attacks with money he extorted from major corporations. The companies pay protection to prevent damage to their businesses. No wonder Jesse Jackson thought he could communicate with these people.
++Bill Clinton and Bob Dole said they will raise $100 million in scholarships for children of the terror victims. They are quite a pair. One guy is a walking advertisement for Viagra and the other a distinguished former senator from Kansas.
++President Bush was mailed $90,000 from American kids for Afghan relief since. It’s amazing. For years Democrats tried to win votes by giving money to children and President Bush has a 92% approval rating by taking money from children.
++The New York Yankees beat Oakland to advance to the American League Championship Series. How incredible was the play of Derek Jeter? In the 8th inning, he leaped into the stands to knock a letter out of Tom Brokaw’s hand.
++The ACLU is furious over the government detaining visitors from the Middle East at airports. They say ethnic profiling of Arabs is not American. On the other hand, if it gets Al Gore to shave his beard, it will have served some purpose.
Hamilton is the host comedian of the Comedy Store in Hollywood and writes a daily syndicated humor column. He can be reached for corporate performances at his Web site, www.ArgusHamilton.com.
