ARGUS
Humor by Argus Hamilton
& #149; President Bush in Washington negotiated a nuclear arms reduction treaty with Russia. It was a personal triumph. All the other presidents were abroad conducting foreign policy and he was so proud to be able to do this all by himself.
& #149; President Bush signed the Farm Bill into law. It doles out $190 billion over 10 years. The farmers don’t want a handout, they only want enough money from the government to maintain their sense of frontier independence and rugged individualism.
& #149; The Washington Times says terrorists plan to attack a U.S. nuclear power plant July 4. They will reportedly use a small, dirty radioactive bomb. The last time one of these was used it resulted in ten years of really bad science fiction movies.
& #149; Jimmy Carter said he saw no evidence that Cuba makes biological weapons. Last year he saw no evidence North Korea makes nuclear weapons. It doesn’t look dignified when a former president campaigns that openly to be Archbishop of Boston.
& #149; Carter became the first U.S. president to visit Cuba in 70 years. Old habits are hard to break. Cuba gave him a 21-gun salute at the airport, and next time they promise to wait until the plane lands.
& #149; Cuba and the United States are less different than they are alike. In both countries, “Swim with the Sharks” is a book of advice for capitalists.
& #149; Julia Roberts testified before the House of Representatives on health issues. She couldn’t stay in Washington very long. After two days on Capitol Hill she started to get homesick for the depth and sincerity of Los Angeles.
& #149; President Bush said he wants to stiffen the work requirements for welfare recipients. He declared that hard work is essential if people are going to lead dignified lives. He might have to add Los Angeles to the Axis of Evil.
Hamilton is the host comedian of the Comedy Store in Hollywood and writes a daily syndicated humor column. He can be reached for corporate performances at his web site, www.ArgusHamilton.com.
