Here’s a thought from the 131st Westminster Dog Show, the granddoggy of them all, in New York earlier this month:
In “My Fair Lady,” one of the main characters laments, “Why can’t a woman be more like a man?” To which I reply, “Why can’t the French be more like their poodles?”
Not so many centuries ago, the French helped us out.
Had they not supported us in our struggles against the British Empire, we might all still be under English rule today. Since then, we’ve repaid that wartime debt far more than once.
Sad to say, relations have gotten progressively worse since 1944, when Charles de Gaulle decided that, if he neglected to mention who had liberated France for him, no one else would notice.
Such radical ingratitude, especially when coupled with the fact that the last time the French won a war on their own it took a Corsican to do it, has led some Americans to believe that the French are, well, neither as courageous nor as virile as you and me.
But the French have on one occasion gotten their act together and taken it on the road,to the Westminster Dog Show where the French poodles are strutting away with high honors. It was a toy poodle, “Ch. Smash JP Win a Victory,” who won the toy group, and a poodle, “Ch. Brighton Minimoto,” who won the non-sporting group.
The toys clearly are among the most arrogant, affected and neurotic small breeds in this or any universe, while the standard poodles are nothing more than toys with hyperactive thyroids.
How can they win anything except, “Most Useless in Show?” Especially with those foolish foo-foo cuts?
It may have been that the half-nude cut plus hair bracelets about the ankles and pom-poms around the hips were utilitarian when poodles were formidable hunting dogs. But since the dog no longer hunts and retrieves, why the foolish “continental” clips?
Not so fast, says Erin Solaro, author of “Women in the Line of Fire” (her adventures as a journalist in Iraq and Afghanistan) and a former professional dog trainer.
“First of all,” she says, “no dog is responsible for his or her grooming.”
“Whatever your notion of the toys, the standards are good dogs to have with you in a fight. Chesty (the Marines’ mascot English bulldog) couldn’t get a bull to behave if the commandant and all his generals were depending on it for dinner.”
“On the other paw,” she goes on, meaning no offense to the Marines, “I know of standards who have stopped bad guys jumping out of bushes with knives, or breaking into houses.”
It would be nice if, once in a while, the French started acting more like their dogs,instead of their fromage.
Michael Arnold “The Rotweiller” Glueck,
Newport Beach
