n The Democratic National Committee announced that President Clinton and Hillary Clinton will speak on the first night of the Democratic Convention. What a huge moment this will be. They haven’t spoken since 1998.
n CBS News reported that Scottish scientists have successfully tested a birth control pill for males.They’re saying the pills are 100% effective. So far, in five years of tests, not one man has gotten pregnant.
n The journal Nature published the results of clinical tests performed on 32 rat mothers. The study found that a mother’s nurturing is the key to her offsprings’ intelligence. Barbara Bush is suing for libel.
n President Clinton declared that Al Gore has done more than any vice president in U.S. history. It’s true. However, as long as Janet Reno refuses to appoint a special counsel, he’s likely to get away with it.
n Caroline Kennedy will address the Democratic Convention in Los Angeles. She’s never had a sex scandal, an alcohol problem, or roughed up an airport worker. Everyone considers her the black sheep of the family.
n The Ruckus Society is hosting a training camp in Malibu for Democratic Convention protesters. College kids are learning how to chant together, burn flags, smoke pot and demonstrate against the establishment. At the end of the session one student is voted Most Likely to Become President.
n The House of Representatives killed a bill that would have banned gambling on the Internet. This is great news. Nobody wanted the Nasdaq off-limits when we finally get to invest our Social Security taxes.
n Little League Baseball passed brand-new safety rules for the upcoming World Series in Williamsport. They require a helmet, an athletic cup and accidental death insurance. And that’s just for the dads in the stands.
n “State of a Union” is a new book accusing Hillary Clinton of shouting an anti-Semitic slur at a man. It’s made things very uncomfortable for her. Pat Buchanan keeps calling her up and asking her to be his running mate.
n Philadelphia Police Chief John Timoney is under fire for the police beating of a black suspect, caught on videotape. Public reaction was swift. The next morning, Los Angeles named Philadelphia its sister city.
n George W. Bush addressed the VFW and saluted World War II veterans who defeated Nazi Germany. He’s still having trouble naming foreign leaders. Three times he referred to Adolf Hitler as What’s-His-Name-with-the-Mustache.
n A Florida jury ordered the five major tobacco companies to pay $145 billion in punitive damages. The plaintiffs in the case were prepared for the windfall. The moment Al Gore called, they let the machine take it.
Hamilton is the host comedian of the Comedy Store in Hollywood and writes a daily syndicated humor column. He can be reached for corporate performances at his web site, www.ArgusHamilton.com.
