As we ring in a new decade, here are a few laughs we shared during the 1990s:
1990 – U.S. troops were disappointed when they raided Noriega’s house and all they found a 100-pound sack of chili flour. Noriega must be furious. He just learned that he paid $6 million for a 100-pound sack of chili flour.
1991 – The Persian Gulf War began last night when U.S. and British jets began the bombing of Baghdad. It looked spectacular on live TV. Everyone who watched it agrees that George Bush finally got his 1,000 Points of Light.
1992 – Los Angeles erupted in street riots over the Rodney King verdict. Nevertheless, human brotherhood is still alive. CNN showed a white guy, a black guy, and a Hispanic guy, and they were carrying a TV set together.
1993 – The Justice Department ordered the assault on the Branch Davidian complex in Waco. Attorney General Janet Reno is 6-foot-2, smokes a pipe and wears a dress. She’s like the son J. Edgar Hoover never had.
1994 – Hillary Clinton unveiled her healthcare plan at the White House Monday. It covers prescription medicine. Somehow you knew that once Baby Boomers took over the White House, free drugs would be the law of the land.
1995 – O.J. Simpson is on trial for the murder of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson. His reputation is ruined. However, the Florida Citrus Growers just offered him $10 million if he will change his name to Snapple.
1996 – The Dallas Cowboys won their third Super Bowl of the ’90s. All is not well. Next year, they have to play all their home games on a dirt field because they sniffed all the white lines and smoked all the grass.
1997 – Bob Dole revealed on the Larry King show that he participated as a test patient back in 1996 for a new drug called Viagra. It was a major misunderstanding. He thought it would help him to achieve an election.
1998 – The Ken Starr report was released Monday and tops the best-seller lists in both published editions. The GOP version is titled the Judge Starr Report. The Democratic version is called How Bubba Got His Groove Back.
1999 – President Clinton arrived in Athens where 50,000 people protested his Balkan War policy. His limo had to go through the demonstrators. To make sure they got his attention, they flashed their thong underwear at him.
2000 – U.S. airports were put on high alert due to terrorist threats. President Clinton asked Americans to report anything suspicious. Sixteen thousand people called in and said they think he’s selling secrets to the Chinese.
Hamilton is the host comedian of the Comedy Store in Hollywood and writes a daily syndicated humor column. He can be reached for corporate performances at his web site, www.ArgusHamilton.com.
