Humor by Argus Hamilton
n Gen. Tommy Franks said the search of the Tora Bora caves is over with no clue about Osama bin Laden’s whereabouts. There’s absolutely no trace of him. He couldn’t have disappeared any more completely if he had been dating Rep. Gary Condit.
n President Bush addressed a town hall meeting in Southern California. He gave his first-ever presidential speech in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as most people are still trying to figure out which one was which.
n Sen. Tom Daschle gave a major speech criticizing the White House. He’s positioning himself to run for the presidency in 2004. If he’s going to convince the voters he can do a better job than Dick Cheney he’s got to start early.
n Defense Secretary Don Rumsfeld said the Navy is building a high security jail in Guantanamo Bay for al-Qaeda detainees. It has four guard towers and barbed wire. Cuba’s building codes require that the facility look like all the other buildings in the neighborhood.
n President Bush is telling voters he’s concerned about the economy. He doesn’t want to make his father’s mistake, which was not having Ross Perot killed when he headed the CIA.
n Oregon scientists successfully transferred the DNA of a jellyfish to a monkey. It’s big news in Washington. If it can be done on humans, it will be the first known way to produce spinelessness on demand without the use of soft money.
n Sen. Daschle said President Bush’s 10-year, $1.35 trillion tax cut made the recession worse. He’s a liberal senator from South Dakota who plans to run for president against a popular Republican war president. The only question now is whether or not G. Gordon Liddy is limber enough to do the break-in.
n Israel seized a ship loaded with Iranian-made weapons heading for the Palestinian territories. It was carrying long-range rockets, anti-tank missiles, explosives, small arms, and mines. It’s amazing what you can fit inside a tennis shoe nowadays.
Hamilton is the host comedian of the Comedy Store in Hollywood and writes a daily syndicated humor column. He can be reached for corporate performances at his web site,
www.ArgusHamilton.com.
