n Al Gore was applauded in Nashville for his choice of Joe Lieberman as running mate. But he almost blew it. His consultants dragged him offstage just as the vice president was about to take credit for inventing the bagel.
n The Los Angeles Times ran a photo of Bill Clinton and Hugh Hefner together at a Democratic fund-raiser. They’re not alike at all. One is a pioneer for sexual freedom and the other guy publishes a magazine.
n Democrats are throwing a big fund-raiser at the Playboy Mansion in Los Angeles. They should raise a fortune. Someone came up with the bright idea of charging donors $75,000 to spend an hour in the Lincoln Hot Tub.
n Joe Lieberman and his wife, Hadassah, were introduced to huge cheers in Tennessee. The race is on for the Jewish vote. During a stop in Los Angeles, the Republican candidate introduced his wife as “Laura Hanukkah Bush.”
n George W. Bush campaigned in Oxnard. He was just five miles from the state mental hospital in Camarillo. The Secret Service didn’t like him campaigning only a stone’s throw from Reform Party headquarters.
n Al Gore’s selection of a Jewish running mate was praised as a bold and courageous move. The vice president had very little choice. He was seven points down with time running out and had to go for the Hail Murray.
n Joe Lieberman is called the Conscience of the Senate. He denounced the Monica affair, suggestive lyrics and sex in movies. That’s fine, if you can ignore the fact that Lieberman, translated from German, means Loverboy.
n President Clinton flew over Idaho fires in a U.S. Marine helicopter. Cameras caught him looking out the open door with a terrified expression. For a moment he thought he’d been sent to Vietnam after all.
n Treasury officers say vending machines aren’t taking the new $5 and $10 bills. The old currency readers don’t recognize them. For the first time in seven years, Johnny Chung is having trouble getting into the White House. Hamilton is the host comedian of the Comedy Store in Hollywood and writes a daily syndicated humor column. He can be reached for corporate performances at his web site, www.ArgusHamilton.com.
