A few years back the guys would sit around and talk about retirement so I jokingly told them my accountant said that I now had enough money to retire permanently, providing I die by September 2000.
I didn’t, but I decided to do the next best thing: host a party (black attire preferred). Here are the Top 10 Reasons for Dr. Mike’s First Annual Funeral Party:
10. Any excuse for any party at any time for any reason is good.
9. How else could I get my wife to clean up the house?
8. At the death of summer, women stop wearing short shorts and go back to long dresses.
7. While viewing the movie “Sixth Sense” I thought that I could see dead people, so I thank you all for being here to test my hypothesis.
6. Mimi insisted on showing you her new kitchen and celebrating our 35th wedding anniversary before I die.
5. To thank Rick Reiff, executive editor of the OCBJ, for having the courage to give me my first column in spite of fearing what I might say.
4. You never know when you’ll die or have the time to say goodbye. I also wanted to practice so for once I could get something right.
3. It is one of those strange facts of life that people will go to greater lengths, distances, and expense to see you at your funeral than when you are alive. Just wanted to know who my real friends are.
2. To see family and friends often and be nice to them when they are alive, because after they’re gone it’s too late.
1. In the event I don’t die, I have an excuse for another party next year.
Michael Glueck, M.D.
Hades (Newport Beach)
