n The Los Angeles Lakers beat the Indiana Pacers to win the NBA title. So much for basketball. Next the Lakers play England’s national soccer team to settle once and for all which country has the best rioters.
n Tiger Woods won the U.S. Open by 15 strokes at Pebble Beach. He later turned down an invitation to the White House. He can’t take the chance that Bill Richardson would be put in charge of guarding his golf bag.
n Al Gore unveiled his Retirement Savings Plus proposal. It gives up to $6,000 a year in retirement money to low-income families. If Hillary loses the Senate race and Bill gets disbarred, it will really help.
n The Federal Trade Commission will probe high gas prices in the Midwest. Oil companies blame the prices on EPA rules requiring cleaner burning ethanol in gasoline. Ethanol is made by mixing corn with your tax dollars.
n Prince William passed a milestone at Buckingham Palace. He turned 18 years old and formally became heir to the throne. He received a very nice card from George W. Bush welcoming him to the club.
n “Survivor” on CBS is the hit TV show of this summer. Sixteen people must live all summer without plumbing or electricity and survive on rats and weeds. There is no way to train for it unless you rent a house from Al Gore.
n The Supreme Court banned all prayer before Texas high school football games. It doesn’t affect the pros. Before all Dallas Cowboy games, the players must hold hands, bow their heads, and recite their Miranda Rights.
n The Russian government announced that this year’s grain harvest will be unexpectedly small. Well, what do you know? That KGB guy is barely elected president, and already it’s like the communists never left office.
n George W. Bush told a Florida crowd he would end the sorry chapter of security lapses at U.S. nuclear laboratories. He’s very good at keeping secrets. If you don’t think so, ask him where he was between 1972 and 1986.
n The Bob Hope Exhibit formally opened at the Library of Congress in Washington. He donated 88,000 pages of comedy material. This exhibit contains the largest collection of jokes since the NASDAQ was at 5,000.
n The Arkansas Supreme Court Committee on Professional Conduct hired a former nun to prosecute Bill Clinton for disbarment. Republicans are not happy. There is a chance he could get off with a rap across the knuckles.
