ARGUS
Humor by Argus Hamilton
& #149; The U.S. Open was held at the Bethpage Black course located in New York’s suburban Farmingdale. It’s a golf course that’s open to the general public. Republicans want a Homeland Security Department just to stop this sort of thing.
& #149; President Bush addressed the Southern Baptist Convention meeting in St. Louis via satellite. The speech took some courage. He faced 10,000 blue-eyed Anglo-Saxon Protestants wearing dark suits and red ties and condemned human cloning.
& #149; President Bush spoke to a Missouri crowd about Homeland Security. He got a huge round of applause when he threatened to fire any government workers who fail to do their jobs. Until now, those were a postal supervisor’s last words.
& #149; The General Accounting Office said that Clinton staffers did $10,000 worth of damage to the White House the day they departed last year, including a stolen presidential seal. That wasn’t vandalism. To this day, Al Gore honestly believes it’s his.
& #149; Congress grilled Richard Clarke about anti-terrorism efforts which he supervised for the Clinton Administration. Everyone knew at the time there were dark and powerful forces out to destroy the White House. Doctors call them hormones.
& #149; Dick Cheney planned to address the National Federation of Small Businesses meeting in Washington, D.C. This group could be a tough crowd for him. Before George W. Bush became president they were the National Federation of Large Businesses.
Hamilton is the host comedian of the Comedy Store in Hollywood and writes a daily syndicated humor column. He can be reached for corporate performances at his web site, www.ArgusHamilton.com.
